Where do i begin

the first image for me to wake up to for the new year was a dream of Dulce......for some reason we were on a computer and she placed her left elbow over my right with our hands up to then be intertwined. As though to get in the way of me using the computer, she used her left hand on the keyboard while i already had my right hand on the mouse......

i asked her, laughing, "did we really just become one of those couples??" 

and she just laughed.....

Nothing has changed with Dulce....Nothing better, that I know of....maybe worst.....

and nothing has changed because i haven't done anything to change anything....

i did realize that her affect over my actions is quite intoxicating......

i speak like an idiot to her.....every time....

i can give(really just share) wisdom with my students to help with communicating correctly and effectively.....

i can help Lance(and he HELP me) back in the day with people he was talking to....

i could converse ideas with Victor and learn more from how he spoke....

i could talk with Fabe, or Swin, about ideas and relationships and what we believed with wonderful excellence.......

but with her......

with her why would anything work correctly???

i'm surprised my fingers/lips or even actions for solid singular thoughts let alone stupid statements: which by the way simply get ignored( i think) while i can understand my complete block head actions(did i mention most of these are texts or messages online....yea....like a tool) i think the thing that i don't understand about her(which causes the most frustration) is that she. just. doesn't. respond. 

i don't care who You are

or what You've done

or what has happened.......

if You try to communicate with me

i Will get back to You.....

it may be longer than usual.....

but i Will.....

anyways......

she was perhaps the most beautiful image for me to ever wake up to....i almost got caught by her sister the last time i had a dream about her :/

but still:

Focus-

heart

PURE

h e a r t

i love the drive that can be spurred by the heart

and how the soul can follow in suit

how breath can live again deep within

with each beat deepening to allow the course to flow so strongly

one idea from the source 

pushed to every crevice of my being

today it has been excellence

the possibility of living every single moment with it

and what it looks like to be something that i have been involved with

what does it look like when i join a project

how does it look different after i have picked up an assignment for a year

how do my fellow employees notice my difference

do my fellow employees dread working with me

or do i bring hope to every time we have a shift together because they know things will be done excellently

who is the "i" that i give

even for Dulce: the crap that i put forth from being intimidated or cowardly effects how i communicate with her and possible how she may even listen to words that i may have to speak to her that could change her life

the way that i give to everyone

and how i could really give so much more of this life i squander so well

excellence is there and has made it self steadily more vocal....

and not only available to me but for everyone

with every decision

every action

message

word 

and beat

just one step at a time

focus on one item until it is done, maybe a small few.....

and move on.....

its better then having everything on my plate

for me to view

without hardly anything getting done

and if anything

definitely not sustainably

i love fresh starts 

possibly more than most other things.....

but i also LOVE finishing a story....

and thats where i'm enjoying this day from: 

fresh

old

continuous

story......and its finally moving.....