Be a man

i feel enveloped by a swarm of thoughts once remembered......

and it sweeps me completely away......

and it is silly remembering.....after watching a film about a woman who forgot so much.......





yet....
in her loss.....
I seem to be whole again....
And it seems so strange how this happens...
and maybe it is a cycle of something I hope to return to, but that I wont commit too....
but I loved again....
and not for a woman.....as a whole....

the love i have always had
the love i have always given
the love that has been missing for maybe three to four years......

You know what brought it back.....
watching someone give up.....watching as someone was taken advantage of.....watching someone choose to display the end of their love though they really wanted more.....

it was wrong
and not suppose ti happen
and i fought for truth in the story

how long it has been since i have fought for that truth.....
there was no reason for me to....
but i am so
so thankful that it has been only deeply unexplicably hidden.....
and not gone.....
the gift of Love was not gone.......

this guy abused a relationship so that he could have a second chance....
so he could get what he wanted....and I was screaming

no!
No don't do it!
be the man she needs You to be....
be a man....

and I realized I always used to be that man
always protecting....
always loving....
with deep love.....
as a man.....

it hasn't been who i have been.
but it is now who i am.

ironically enough a beautiful friend i value greatly, i used to show her how i did, wrote an article on being a woman....or the appearance of women....or the idea of women.....lets try again...

a friend of mine wrote on the deep complexities beauties imaginative glory of limitlessness of women
or to me that's what it was. and it dawned that this post has no reflection, or similarity. i like that.


ive been matt damon hunting for good will....
memorizing facts....
knowing info....
with no warmth
no depth to the vastness of life
no beat to a wild and vivacious heart
but i found my robin williams.....
and it may be hard to deal with the truth that someone else has brought you to life....
but it is so much better than the alternative.....


i return to
laying down and thinking
laughing and being honest
completely open and free
nothing hidden and every thing spoken true
i return to you.......






be a man.....
respect her.....
if you need,
i will show you

and for women....
.....as though i could actually tell you to be anything that would be greater than that which you already are........and long to be...

will You dream with me?