Pure

I cant help but try to explain that feeling
and again

something that cannot be explained accurately, perhaps....

We do it all the time....
it seems almost completely unavoidable.....

we screw up.
and we sometimes dont do it often or
we do it repeatedly....





either way....there is that time....

the time in from being pure and the renewal of that purity.....

the between...
that can feel normal
but usually weighs so heavily......


and that moment....
when forgiven
redeemed
aware of His Love even

You realize how far gone You have been
You see, -Know, the weight of what You have been dragging around
of what You have been neglecting
or letting grow
or what You have hidden.....

been when His Love comes, as though it left,
-When we realize His Love never left
that He never left
that He Loves us without there being Any Reason At All.....
You feel pure....

Completely Washed
Renewed
Refreshed
The world free for You to dream with again
Dreaming cause that may be the ultimate worship You can give
but dreaming and rushed with Love.....

Like when holding hands
or a wonderful hug from a dear friend
that friend that a hug from them at anytime changes Your world no matter how bad it seems.....

that feeling
that Love
that Purity

i dont know what weighs You down
but feeling free in this moment turns me delusional into thinking
that there may not be anything in the world worth holding on to
when You can simply be
honest
open
free

and pure

Be a man

i feel enveloped by a swarm of thoughts once remembered......

and it sweeps me completely away......

and it is silly remembering.....after watching a film about a woman who forgot so much.......





yet....
in her loss.....
I seem to be whole again....
And it seems so strange how this happens...
and maybe it is a cycle of something I hope to return to, but that I wont commit too....
but I loved again....
and not for a woman.....as a whole....

the love i have always had
the love i have always given
the love that has been missing for maybe three to four years......

You know what brought it back.....
watching someone give up.....watching as someone was taken advantage of.....watching someone choose to display the end of their love though they really wanted more.....

it was wrong
and not suppose ti happen
and i fought for truth in the story

how long it has been since i have fought for that truth.....
there was no reason for me to....
but i am so
so thankful that it has been only deeply unexplicably hidden.....
and not gone.....
the gift of Love was not gone.......

this guy abused a relationship so that he could have a second chance....
so he could get what he wanted....and I was screaming

no!
No don't do it!
be the man she needs You to be....
be a man....

and I realized I always used to be that man
always protecting....
always loving....
with deep love.....
as a man.....

it hasn't been who i have been.
but it is now who i am.

ironically enough a beautiful friend i value greatly, i used to show her how i did, wrote an article on being a woman....or the appearance of women....or the idea of women.....lets try again...

a friend of mine wrote on the deep complexities beauties imaginative glory of limitlessness of women
or to me that's what it was. and it dawned that this post has no reflection, or similarity. i like that.


ive been matt damon hunting for good will....
memorizing facts....
knowing info....
with no warmth
no depth to the vastness of life
no beat to a wild and vivacious heart
but i found my robin williams.....
and it may be hard to deal with the truth that someone else has brought you to life....
but it is so much better than the alternative.....


i return to
laying down and thinking
laughing and being honest
completely open and free
nothing hidden and every thing spoken true
i return to you.......






be a man.....
respect her.....
if you need,
i will show you

and for women....
.....as though i could actually tell you to be anything that would be greater than that which you already are........and long to be...

will You dream with me?